I feel more prepared now knowing how easy it was for me to change my emotions so quickly. That is proof that we all have the power and can tap into that to make a change!! I am so thrilled right now!

The clue I uncovered is the realization of how I have ALWAYS been in control of this but never took the initiative to change it! My body has reverted to depression as a defense system since I was 7 years old and all this time I have been allowing it to consume my life/lead the way. This exercise made me REALLY see that in a matter of seconds I can flip my emotions. It is crazy how I didn’t see it before today!

It is a very different to watch pre-recorded videos/documentaries of things like this and a whole new experience to actually see it happen before your eyes. I shocked myself with the exercise and am very grateful that so many of you were there in support of that!

We just finished the conference yet I cannot describe how excited I was by seeing it. I totally recall that a couple of month ago I chose to put a lot of emotional barriers, mainly that came with anger of “I’m not a bad guy why are you treating my like a ghost?” when I was in the conservatory. Overtime I had to start something, name it a scene or a song there was always something inside of me saying “nope, you are not good enough” and then I actually started to punish myself not giving any importance to something that is reason why I came this far.

Also I’m taking to heart the importance on investing time in myself, In what is meaningful, not in a meal, not in a movie but in emotional state. The importance of investigate myself of where am I right now and asking do I really want this, does this goes with my super objective of the year? (be happy every single day)

Is it worthy to do this for myself?
YES

Can I decide who I am every single day?
YES

Can I lead projects?
YES

Can I take care of my body and my soul every single day?
YES

Can I help others to empower themselves?
YES

Can I inspire others with my actions?
YES

Can I achieve the goals I have in my year, my magic list and my relationships?
YES

Thank you Janet, J. Parker, Emily, and Diana for this amazing call that made me wanna dance around my apt as soon as it finished!! :D

Often when I am around my family still I feel like my time is getting redirected by their needs and opinions. Their concern (that stems from love spreads) their worry onto me. It can make my goals pretty toxic. That is why I had to finally write empowering questions on notecards :-) Also I have written what I love about acting on the other side of them and why I love the film industry.

I could have done a bunch of motivational work and gone through my empowering questions and certainties and fears and still the power of loved ones come in and suddenly I am very uncertain and emotionally upset and don’t feel like I should do what I know I should do :-) hahaha oh the power of love :-) However once I got those empowering questions on a card and on the flip side what I love about acting & film, suddenly I had the ammunition for my passion. I can be in a conversation and then head to the bathroom upset, pull out those questions and remind myself what I love and recollect and continue to move forward.

Sometimes before I go on set I read the card :-) especially if I have a new role or I think I have made a mistake, it turns those feelings into feelings of joyful motivation. :-) SO YES I totally have felt that kind of lost at sea feeling from those around me.

Also the sense of responsibility to participate in life and be grateful and helpful. I have to remind myself that my success is one of the most helpful things because it provides confidence and less worry for them :-)

Here are some of the step by step creating of them:

1. First I free write pages of what I love.

2. Then I do a bunch of empowering questions. Then I type it all up.

3. Then I attach the “What I Love About” paragraph to the back side of the Empowering Questions.

4. Then I laminate with bendable lamination paper.

5. Then I use a hairdryer to seal.

6. Then I carry them with me and read them daily and when I feel anxious or uncertain. :-)

I also included a LONG video about them or the process being pretty loose in creating them.

Janet Urban asked me during the call what types of negative thoughts I used to have. I hope the talk helped a few people. If anyone is still thinking negatively, you can take a look at my negative thoughts from 2 years ago and realize that I used to be a completely different person! It’s astounding! Understand that my thoughts are the exact opposite now and I have NO doubts about what’s possible. Here is what I wrote in a journal when I was full of doubts, fears and frustration:

I’m never going to do anything worthy because I don’t have any ambition to finish projects. No one will give me the chance. No one cares what I have to offer. No one will appreciate what I have or what I can do. Everything is too hard. Nothing comes easy. There’s too much work involved to get what I want. It’s not possible to get what I want. Everything is against me. It costs money to make money and I don’t have any money. No one will give me money. I can’t earn any more money. I don’t have time to devote to anything. I get easily distracted. I can’t focus. I can’t commit to anything. I don’t even know what I really want in the first place. There’s too much negativity to get anything done.

Nothing will work. I’m not a magician. I can’t change the world. Nothing ever works the way you want it to. No one will recognize my talent. The world is too caught up nonsense. My valuable time is spent at my job. No one supports what I want to do. People don’t give away money. People don’t help for nothing. There are no free rides. Artistic projects cost too much energy and are a waste of time. It’s too much work to change where I am now. I don’t have the drive or persistence to do it. Life’s tough. No one ever gets what they want. The few exceptions to the rule are only exceptions, and I could never be that. I wasn’t born into a rich important family – those lucky people are the only privileged ones.

No one would ever take my offers seriously. There’s too much competition and I’m not good enough. Too many other people want what I want, and we cancel each other out. Before I even start, my brain says, “that’s never gonna happen!” There’s no beating what my brain tells me. There’s no magic pill to swallow and get over these obstacles. It’s gonna take a lot of work and commitment. Life isn’t as simple as I was raised to believe. Other people seem to get it, but I don’t. If I haven’t changed in this many years, it’s impossible now. No one ever prepared me for reality. I’m not as good as I think. I’m distracted by bad habits which waste my time – food, movies, surfing the net. I’m too fragile to get out there and show myself – what if the world sees how vulnerable I am? What if they see how untalented I am? What if I get criticized? I can’t get started on projects unless they’re perfect. My perfectionism ruins me. I’m hopeless. People who were successful were already there before the age of 30. I’m too old to have any success.

We all go through the same uncertainties and fears.

How I ended up where I am now is a result of making important decisions and sticking them out until the end. The biggest decision was to move back to the USA nearly a year ago in order to pursue a career in the film industry. At that point, I told myself that I would never have another 9 to 5 survival job. It sounds easier said than done – and it’s true – there was nothing easy about it.

Just know that once a decision has been made, resources and people will come into your life that you never imagined, and that will take you where you’re looking to go.

Do you guys remember the end of “Back to the Future” when Marty goes back to 1985 and his whole family is different? At the beginning of the movie, his dad, George McFly is a complete wimp, no self-esteem, and constantly bullied. At the end, we see an alternate reality where he’s confident and financially successful. Biff comes running into the house with a book that George has recently published. Then George says, “Like I’ve always told you, if you put your mind to it, you can accomplish anything.” All of that change happened because of one major action he took in his early life.

I think these alternate realities exist for everyone. It’s just a matter of deciding which life you desire. Do you want to be like George McFly in the first reality, hopeless and getting bullied constantly (imagine Biff Tannen represents your own mind bullying you) – or do you want to live in the second reality, in control, and following your passions? Whether you end up in the first or second depends on a choice you make now.

Halfway through Module 2, a little far behind but I’m catching up!

I’ve been rewatching the video where Janet talks about how you own your experience and your situation does not define you. This has been really resonating with me because lately I’ve been reacting instead of creating. I will guiltily admit I missed Sunday’s call because my lower self pulled me into a funk I could not get out of. Later in the day I ended up staring at my ceiling until the Sun went down, I even missed dinner.

At my safety job, it is getting harder and harder for me to ignore the negativity that surrounds the company culture. Recently every week I’ve had mental breakdowns from recurring stressors at work. I always make a point not to show negativity in the workplace, but unfortunately this results in me bottling up a lot of emotions from my lower self Doing the exercises from Module 2 on making any situation into a 10 was the best thing that could have come my way in the past few days! It’s reminded me that I do have control over my life. I’ve been more at ease than I have been in weeks! I can literally feel the tension release from my shoulders.

We all find ourselves in unideal situations at some point. However, whether or not we let it define us is up to you. Hardships will come, but from them we can only grow. Hardships are a part of the journey, and ‘trust in the journey’ is one of my favorite sayings. Life can throw a curveball or two your way but you are always in control. Anything can be a 10 experience if you choose it to be. I’ve turned a bad situation around and I know you all can too. So stay strong FIFers and keep at it!

Hello FIF family :)

Lately I started thinking more about how I can be the solution to my problems and that I can choose my own happiness. I decide how to feel about myself and my progress.

So I began writing myself love letters. Yeah, I know it sounds crazy but you know what? It’s working! My confidence is growing. I’m the type of person that needs to hear good things and to have uplifting words. I don’t know why, that’s just the way I am.

So instead of waiting to hear it from others like I usually do, I’m giving it to myself. Here are some of the things I’ve said to myself. Enjoy!

Dear Me,
You are my favorite person. I believe in your dreams. Let’s do this!
Forgive yourself. Forgive others. It’s ok to go soul-searching. Find joy in this journey.
So many people love you. Remember to live like you’re loved.
You are a beautiful warm candle shining in the cold darkness. You are a special person. Your spirit is remarkable.
<3, Yourself